Prayers for Today

Hey, Dad?

I just wanna visit with You for a bit.

I was really glad that I got a whole day, today. I think it went okay. I got kinda mad a couple of times. I am not doing real well with this whole "control of my circumstances" deal. I'm tryin' really hard, but it is really gettin' tense here in my world.

I got mad on the phone today with this really cranky lady that felt like I really needed to spend money on what she was getting paid to sell. Now, Daddy, you know I've done that job in my life, so I think I have some understanding about what kind of pressure she, and all the other folks that are working there, are under. But, she just wasn't nice. I was on another call, and I really felt like I was being unnecessarily interrupted. I wasn't ugly with her or anything. In fact, I spoke to her just like I would have hoped someone would speak to me if I was in her shoes. I finally asked her to call me back later. By the time I got off with her, the other call was gone, and then I got mad.

I'm sorry, Daddy. I know that she didn't feel bad from me. I know she probably didn't give it a second thought. But, what if that was one of those Jabez appointments? I had the opportunity to show You to her, and I really don't think I did a real good job of it. It's only because my heart wasn't in Your hands, it was in mine. I was nice and stuff, but my head just wasn't in it. Actually, it was because I was in the middle of a verbal combat exercise with my friend, and I was already all agitated when she "beeped in" on the conversation. I spent about five minutes with her, but my heart was felin' pretty ugly, and I'm really sorry.

I felt like my friend was just using me, today. I kinda hoped he wanted to share some time in my world, and discovered he just didn't want to eat alone. I told him I had already eaten, and you know that isn't the truth. I was just mad at him because I felt like I was being used. Sometimes, I wish people would wonder about what I need, instead of always feeling like my purpose in the World is to deal with their needs. I told him to grab some food on the way over, and come spend some time. I was getting ready to bake some brownies. You KNOW how much I love those, Daddy. He goes into twenty questions about how I make my brownies, because he told me he "is really picky about eating other people's food". Do I put icing on 'em (he hates icing, and won't eat any brownie that has icing on it!) He wanted to know what brand of mix I use (mix?) and kept goin' on and on until I was really sorry I mentioned it. I just wanted to spend some time with my friend. He said he was going to get some food and go to bed, and didn't have time to come over. I told him he was gonna come over to get me, and he said that that was just because he didn't wanna eat alone. It made me feel really bad. I just don't think friends should do that to each other. It makes me feel cheap, and used.

I guess You know all about that, though, don't ya? All us kids down here sending up our lists of things we expect You to do while we go on with our own agendas. We think it is all about us. When things don't turn out like we dictate the list, we figure You are the one that failed. You know my heart, Daddy. I don't complain (much). I don't think I did too good today with these things, and I hope You will just let me be a good kid, with a couple of bad results.

Daddy, you know my friend Michael? Not the GCO one, my friend Michael at school. He is trying so hard to figure out stuff, and You have really been cool about being with him. Well, he wanted his friend to go to an Intervarsity church group meeting with him tonite, but the guy didn't want to--he wanted to get drunk instead. Michael got mad about it, and almost didn't go himself. I told him his part was in making the offer to his friend. That is how you, sometimes, first start getting into one of us kids' lives, just because someone puts someone else kinda close to You. I hope you will touch Michael, and his friend too. Let him know that, regardless of how he feels about things, You won't be too far away when he's ready. And, Daddy, give Michael a super duper dose of the kind of patience that you have. Let him know that a "no" just for today isn't a "no" forever. Give Michael the courage to be his friend, and not get all caught up in the judgement thing. Maybe next week, his friend won't feel so "ambushed" and will walk to the group with Michael, and won't feel like he's being "dragged" into one of those "Christian" wierdo thingeys.

Daddy, I am really gettin' in a jam with all the stuff on my plate. I need for You to help me know what to do. Am I doing what You want me to do? Am I being stubborn and hard hearted about this whole money/work/choices thing? Please, Daddy, help me to figure out how I am to be in Your will with all this stuff. Show me, clearly, how You will be glorified by puttin' my feet in the right direction. I know You will. If you can't calm the storm, please calm me in it.

I keep remembering Kathy. She's really got some stuff happening in her world that is big stuff. Love her good, Daddy. She is so cool. And she does so love you. You put Toni right beside her and that is just so nice. That was a really good thing You did there. And, Michael and Mel, too. Michael is really sooo one of Your kids. He's really doing a tough thing well. Goose him a little bit with a moment of just being with Him, and tell Him that You love him, and so do we.

Daddy? Brandon is in my heart today. Would you be with him, too? It seems like so many of us are finally getting the point, and things are just about to bust loose. Give us the patience to wait on Your plan, and to be fully committed to it as You show us what to do.

I hope You realize that, because of that talk we had the other day, I got some kids together for this little class thingey. In this moment, Dad, visit their hearts. Give them peace, and the loving grace and mercy that will let them hear what You would have to say to them. You do that so good. Bless them in a large way, Dad. Even now.

Sorry for the vent, Dad. But I do know that it doesn't scare You. Help me not to be scared, too. You are my Dad, and I love you more than anything this life has to offer. Until I get home, please measure my steps. Bless me, indeed with the security that I am Yours, and let me be a real witness to everyone that You are real. Enlarge my territory, to include this little course, and let those that do it are forever changed in a remarkable way. Expand my borders to include the words of the lessons, the thoughts of my heart, and my willingness to just be the deliverer of what You would have each of them know. It's not a big deal because it's mine--it's not. It's all about You, and it's yours! I give it to you, again. Even now. Fill it with Your Presence, and Your purpose, and Your Power. Let the course stand as an undeniable witness of the truth and power of Your Love, and Your Grace, and Your Mercy as we, together with You, take a little look at how we can best talk with You, and learn to jump up in Your lap just any old time, and share some time just being Your kid.

Thanks, Dad. I w.....Sir?

Aww, Dad. Yes Sir, I know You love me, too. It's really great to learn, every single day, just how much. I never get tired of Your hugs, and your smiles, Dad. I'm sorry I wasn't as good today as I should have been, or could have been. I did what I could, Dad. Please, oh please, oh please, do what I couldn't.

I love You Dad.

Your kid,

Bud